About Me

So those of you reading will know me. I shall add this here and see about making it stay on a top view.

First I am a book reader of mainly Science-Fiction and Fantasy.
Second I am a computer geek mainly build, upgrade, and maintenance.
Third I make electronic music that can be heard here Grooveshark.
Fourth I write okay poetry which will be posted here off and on.
Lastly I am a gamer old table top RPG, turn-based strategy, and or a combination of these, but in general I will game when I can.

I have always stayed to myself mainly because I was never taught to be around others growing up. That and moving every two years was adverse to me getting to know anyone for any length of time. Which was why I fell into books. I was raised by a harsh and violent father. Which makes me more than a little leery of anyone saying they had a hard life when they actually have more than I ever did.

Meeting people was and probably always will be hard for me because of the upbringing. Yes I know people say you can change that if you want to. But from what I have seen it is those that were already more extrovert but did not learn how that manage that well. I obviously am an introvert. For me meeting people is like willingly stepping into a oven or some other physically damaging thing to do.

Trying to find work anywhere that does not seem like slave labor is really hard, because the people hiring think a college degree is better than experience in the field. That or they look at all the "jobs" one has done and they think the person does not know what they want to do yet. Which is harder to take than anything else.

I grew up believing that I might not actually survive to graduate high school even. That was my only goal growing up. I never had the goal of finding a job or career. For me it was will I live long enough to actually graduate high school. I did graduate and was lost because I had no plan of action for actually accomplishing it. I truly believed that I would not survive to graduate which was why I had no plan afterwards.

I did find work that was okay, but I was still lost and still am even though I can do several different job types. I still get no offers of employment because it is now all done by keywords or online with irrelevant questions asked for a job that it does not go to.

Now I sit pondering where I have been, the people I have let close enough to trust, and I find that I have few people there. Yes I know I should get out and meet people, but again it falls under the I never learned how problem. I do not drink so that rules out meeting anyone of quality there. I read more than I look around me so I probably miss out on those acquaintances more than I should.

Being alone is or was okay, but it is in all of us to need that connection to others even if it is briefly. Some connections last longer and some only as long as saying hello to them or thank you. But we still need them, and even though I am a loner type even I still need those connections. But when they are forcibly taken it is hard to let go of what was a good thing. Yet, some of those connections that are taken want you to "fight" to keep them and that is something that was never taught to me. I learned to let go of things because I could not keep them. Even now 21 years after graduating high school I still have trouble with those tangible connections to others. Yes I let go of them without a fight. Only because I have learned that the harder you hold on to something the harder it fights to get away.

If you want to know more just ask. This is only an overview of me. Thank you for reading.