Excuses

I am one of those that works on one problem at a time. So why is it people believe that I can solve several problems at once? Even though I have told them I am working on one thing at a time. They still toss more things on top of that one to make it look bigger. So it will keep me from working on the first problem.

I try and finish the first one then move on to the next one logically and steadily. Yet, am told it is not enough or good enough because you have not done these yet. I tell them I am not a god and cannot finish all of them at once. No human can do that. We may "think" we can but in the end we can only work on one thing at a time. Even jugglers cannot juggle and fend off an attack from another. They either have to stop juggling and defend themselves or get hit.

I keep saying I am working on this first. Yet get told there are these things that "need" to get done. Yes it would be nice to get to all of them immediately, but like every human on this planet I can but do one thing at a time. No more and no less than another. Now if there were enough of me to take on each task yes I could possibly finish all the problems then. Because there would be enough of me to do so with time left over for other things that crop up.

But again I am only one single individual, not several. I can only do my best at what I am focused on at the time. Yes I can become distracted like any other person. Yes I can forget things like any other person. And yet now when I say that this is so it is now an excuse to keep from remembering or doing things.

Now every time I logically explain my position it is called an "excuse" in a negative way. Yet logic tells me that where one sees it an excuse to me it is truth. Yes there are things I cannot do, and have told others that it is not me to do them even for money. Yet get told,"quit making excuses!"

I have always told the truth no matter the pain that it causes, yet I have become more hesitant to say anything because it could be construed as an excuse again. What is it that causes this schism to make anything truthful or logical to become an excuse.

Yes I would like to move ahead and have things, which means getting work that "feels" right to do. Not just because of money. Yes money is good and helps alleviate some things elsewhere that are problems to be solved.

Money for me has always been a frustration. Mainly because it seems to vanish before I can try and save any of it. Why is it so elusive to try and save money when I can not seem to be able to hold onto it in the first place.

Awesome Fantasy Browser based game!

http://elgea.illyriad.co.uk

I found this game looking for one that was better than Evony. Another one I have been playing for over a year. As it was not a game I really liked after playing it for a while Evony that is. This one is slow paced and you do have to think diplomatically and not in terms of conquer or hit and run tactics. This one there are consequences to your actions. It is one of community first, then the group you join. But overall it is still a great community to encounter. Even acknowledged “enemy” faction players will assist new players no matter which alliance or faction they join. The older players want the newer players to stay. And the rule is “we do for you, you do for the next ones” that holds only to the point of if you can do so then help the newer players. This one has its share of bad apples but are quickly weeded out by all the players as bad.

This game is more about strategy and diplomacy more than fighting and taking land. Like a lot of others. It is a building game for the most part. More like the old civilization build and upgrade the buildings type thing going for it. Which appeals to the create your own unique style of buildings in each town. Dependant upon what you want it to do.

The updates that they have done recently make it even more in depth than anything I have seen of a browser based game and community.

Awesome Sci-Fi Browser based game!

www.swcombine.com

I have over the course of a year now been playing a browser based Role Playing Star Wars game. This game is set in the Galaxy but not part of canon proper. As it proceeds from just after Han and Leia Solo's children grow up. It was created by Star Wars fans that are gamers and wanted to make a game that all of us could enjoy. The community is awesome, but just like any family it has its bad apples or black sheep as well. For the most part it is a welcoming game for those who are more into a little bit of computers, some typing, writing, and chatting. The role playing part is a lot of writing and all factions and such forums have people that help with learning how to write for the game.

This game is for those who don't have a ton of time to be online at one time. But can dedicate over time some amount of time to it. It is mainly browser based, and slow, but also written role-playing style. It hearkens back to the days of table top rpg games.

The game is in constant update mode, the designers are always working on getting things working so that it is a seamless update for the masses. The writing and descriptions are very well written and thought out. But it is in the Artwork that this game truly excels! There are some artists playing this game that do some wonderful work.

Good day turns sour

It started out really good. Helping my girl driving and taking her to work. Hanging out with her. Being nice, calm, understanding, and trying to be comforting. Yet as I did that it made it worse. As she was upset about family earlier. And it seemed like whatever I tried made it worse. Like a downward spiral that dragged me with it.

I try and be nice, I try and be kind, i try and be understanding, yet from one that is in my heart i get bitched at for being nice, kind, understanding, and trying to comfort them. yes the main problem is finding work right now, but still i am trying, but seems it is not good enough for anyone anymore. I am so tired. I have tried to be in relationships but seems every time i try i get kicked by the one i let into the heart. why am i so dense to keep trying and hoping, these two things should tell me it will never be, yet i keep trying and hoping like on a merry go round and staying on it.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? Is it that I am looking for something that I have missed? I know not, but this will be the last time trying. I am tired of the dancing around another persons emotional highs and lows without warning. I have tried to be understanding, nice, kind, and calm when around them. Yet get picked at and nagged at about the smallest things. And all the things I have done wrong and have made amends for and never done again keep getting brought back up. Almost pathologically to show that I am not good enough because of these things you have done. Yes mistakes are made, yes I apologize for them, yes I am human and therefor not perfect.

I am at a loss for what to do. And she gets upset because I am not being "manly" enough. The problem is I am stuck in between. I am courteous and kind to everyone. Yet she wants that independence to be herself that I do give her the space for. Then she wants me to act properly "manly". If I do she gets grouchy when I do, and when I do not.

Phrases I have never really understood...

Time is money.
Man up.
Be a man in a relationship.

Those three are the main that come to mind. The first I know originated with money and the acquisition of power and money. The second if we man up then were called picks or asses among other things. The third I have tried that and found that decisions that I make are crapped on no matter what I have decided it is not good enough. Again it falls onto these three things that usually are the contention between independent women and those that want to be catered too yet still be independent without the consequences.

My views are this...

Time is to be enjoyed.
Be yourself no matter what.
Be a partner not a slave or a master in a relationship.

The first for me is to enjoy you time you have because it is so short. Drama does not help in the least to make it better, it just makes it worse. Let go the anger of the supposed wrongs. Yes let it run its course, but not to the detriment of happiness. The second no matter what is happening just be yourself, because trying to be something else your not will come through no matter what you try and do to hide that. and the last one, if you cannot stand beside them in confidence that they will do the same then they are either wanting absolute control or wanting you to do everything without having to work at all.

Work

Well it seems that I have found work finally after two years of looking. And finding that I do not speak Spanish or Chinese to get the jobs around here. I finally found one that I do not need the language to get the work. Why is it that one has to have a language that was not mandatory in school to get work anymore. I have seen many that get work that cannot speak one word of the language of the host country. Yet they get work over those that are citizens of the host country.

To me that is putting down those of us born in the host country. Oh well I have work now, so now all I can do is complain about how little it is! Wish it were more time working, but part time is still good for now. Will be working hard to make it a full time work job.

Resume

Alright here is what I have used to try and get work. Is there anything wrong with it and if so, Critique! please! It would be much appreciated.

Ernest H Kuhns Jr 1615-58 Merced Ave. S. El Monte, CA 91733 (805) 758-5936 ekuhnsjr@yahoo.com
Summary
A place where I am content. Also a place that makes others content and happy.
Work Skills
Inventory and Quality control of items in warehouse Shipping and Receiving Inventory to and from warehouse Microsoft Office and Open Office Typing 50 wpm and 10 Key data entry Repair and upgrade computer hardware Windows and GNU/Linux Operating Systems Office Procedures and Policies
Experience
E.H.K. Computers, South El Monte, CA		May 2000 – Present
Computer Technician/Contractor Assist customers to assess their computer needs Maintain and repair customers computers Update customers Operating Systems to the most recent needs Install hardware and software that is necessary for computer systems to run properly Custom build specific systems for customers special needs
D & R Wholesale, Oxnard, CA		October 2007 - June 2010
Warehouse Manager Set job duties for each worker in the warehouse area. Quality Control of items as they are received into the warehouse. Keeping track of inventory in stock using automated inventory program and scanning devices. Picking and packing orders to get them out in a timely fashion.
Coast Shuttle, Inglewood, CA		July 2005 – July 2006
Shuttle Driver Drive customers from LAX to various locations in and around the Los Angeles area Assist customers with loading and unloading their luggage into and out of vehicle
Robinson's-May, Torrance, CA		October 2003 - July2005
Sales Associate Assisted customers with choosing and making their purchases. Assisted manager with keeping area clean and presentable.
Los Angeles County Public Library, Arcadia, CA		June 1998 – March 2001
Library Aide Add new items into computer system Assist patrons with searching and requesting items Ship and receive items through the library request system Assist with keeping shelves in order and clean
Los Angeles County Public Library, Arcadia, CA	May 1994 – June 1998
Library Page Kept shelves in alphanumeric order Assisted patrons with finding books on the shelves
Education
El Monte/Rosemead Adult School, El Monte, CA
Certificate in Computer Building and Repair 2000
Lake County High School, Leadville, CO
Diploma 1991
Achievements
Certificate of Achievement Diamond Club Robinson's-May 2004 Certificate of Computer Maintenance & Repair Module I 2000 Certificate of Appreciation Los Angeles County Public Library 2000 Certificate of Microsoft Works Version 2.0 1993 Certificate of 10 Key Electronic Calculator 1992 Certificate of Lotus 1-2-3 1992 Certificate of Personal Computer & Wordperfect Software 5.1 1992

About Me

So those of you reading will know me. I shall add this here and see about making it stay on a top view.

First I am a book reader of mainly Science-Fiction and Fantasy.
Second I am a computer geek mainly build, upgrade, and maintenance.
Third I make electronic music that can be heard here Grooveshark.
Fourth I write okay poetry which will be posted here off and on.
Lastly I am a gamer old table top RPG, turn-based strategy, and or a combination of these, but in general I will game when I can.

I have always stayed to myself mainly because I was never taught to be around others growing up. That and moving every two years was adverse to me getting to know anyone for any length of time. Which was why I fell into books. I was raised by a harsh and violent father. Which makes me more than a little leery of anyone saying they had a hard life when they actually have more than I ever did.

Meeting people was and probably always will be hard for me because of the upbringing. Yes I know people say you can change that if you want to. But from what I have seen it is those that were already more extrovert but did not learn how that manage that well. I obviously am an introvert. For me meeting people is like willingly stepping into a oven or some other physically damaging thing to do.

Trying to find work anywhere that does not seem like slave labor is really hard, because the people hiring think a college degree is better than experience in the field. That or they look at all the "jobs" one has done and they think the person does not know what they want to do yet. Which is harder to take than anything else.

I grew up believing that I might not actually survive to graduate high school even. That was my only goal growing up. I never had the goal of finding a job or career. For me it was will I live long enough to actually graduate high school. I did graduate and was lost because I had no plan of action for actually accomplishing it. I truly believed that I would not survive to graduate which was why I had no plan afterwards.

I did find work that was okay, but I was still lost and still am even though I can do several different job types. I still get no offers of employment because it is now all done by keywords or online with irrelevant questions asked for a job that it does not go to.

Now I sit pondering where I have been, the people I have let close enough to trust, and I find that I have few people there. Yes I know I should get out and meet people, but again it falls under the I never learned how problem. I do not drink so that rules out meeting anyone of quality there. I read more than I look around me so I probably miss out on those acquaintances more than I should.

Being alone is or was okay, but it is in all of us to need that connection to others even if it is briefly. Some connections last longer and some only as long as saying hello to them or thank you. But we still need them, and even though I am a loner type even I still need those connections. But when they are forcibly taken it is hard to let go of what was a good thing. Yet, some of those connections that are taken want you to "fight" to keep them and that is something that was never taught to me. I learned to let go of things because I could not keep them. Even now 21 years after graduating high school I still have trouble with those tangible connections to others. Yes I let go of them without a fight. Only because I have learned that the harder you hold on to something the harder it fights to get away.

If you want to know more just ask. This is only an overview of me. Thank you for reading.